“I WAS RAPED, AND NOW I AM PREGNANT”

 

Editor’s Note: This blog post was originally published on Linda Michalak’s Facebook page and is republished here with permission.

By Linda Michalak

I think it’s time I tell this story. It’s not an easy story for me to tell but hopefully, it will give some people an understanding of where I am in life, comfort if it has ever happened to them, and a reason for other women to be extra careful about protecting themselves from it happening to them too.

I was raped.
In January, I was at an event. I wasn’t drinking any alcohol, just a water with a lime. I am always extra cautious of my drink when it has alcohol in it, but for some reason, I thought I was safe since I was sober and planning on being sober the whole night. I was wrong. I woke up the next morning with no recollection of what had happened the night before, somewhat sore, and extremely confused. My mind raced for days trying to piece together what might have happened to me that night but as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t. I knew there was a possibility that I had been taken advantage of, but I tried to push that thought out of my mind because I couldn’t confirm nor deny it and I wanted so much to believe that it wasn’t true.

Months passed, and that night fell farther and farther out of my mind. I was moving on, healing and hoping that no one would ever know. I was embarrassed, felt like it was my fault for not being careful enough and trying to just use it as a reason and reminder that as much as I try to believe otherwise, there are bad people in the world and precautions for safety need to be taken. I avoided drinking and going out on my own and hoped that that would be the last I would ever have to think or hear of that night.

Fast forward to the end of June. I went to the doctor for an appointment and found out I was 23 weeks pregnant. How could I not have known? I had no reason to believe that that could even be a possibility after taking multiple tests after that night which all came out negative. My hormones were low, even at the doctor’s office at 23 weeks, so that explained why the tests weren’t showing anything when I took them. I was in shock. The date of conception, which can be 7-10 days off was just so conveniently the exact date of the event. I wasn’t with anyone else that could’ve fallen into the date range, and my worst fears were confirmed to me. I was raped, and now I was pregnant.

I found out I was pregnant with one week left to have an abortion. Had I found out early enough to take a pill and make my nightmare go away, I wouldn’t have made a decision any different from the decision I made to keep the baby the second I was told he was there. It was still MY baby. His life was still worth more than anything to me. It wasn’t his fault that anything happened to me. Not his decision or choice to be created. And from the moment I knew he existed, I knew I loved him no matter what.

So here I am, 8 1/2 months pregnant feeling more blessed than I ever have in my life. I am ready to become a single mom to two boys who have very different stories, and very different reasons for being here, but who are loved unconditionally the same no matter what. There is no father in sight. No answers other than the confirmation of what I already had considered a possibility. No desire to even find those answers anymore. Just the desire to do what I have to do for the two little blessings in my life and be the best mother I can be.

Ladies, PLEASE. Don’t ever think it can’t happen to you. Don’t ever think you are safe. Don’t ever stop protecting yourself from the evils of our world. Take care of yourselves like there is no one in the world to do it for you because, at the end of the day, there isn’t. It will never be your fault if it happens to you, but take every single precaution you can to protect yourselves and your bodies.

If it has happened to you, and you need someone to reach out to, know I am here to listen without ever judging, be a shoulder to cry on, to tell you it’s not and never will be your fault, and anything else you could possibly need. You are worth so much more than the pain you are in from what you experienced and the feelings it left you with.

Now, I will continue on with my life, raise my two little boys, and try to do the absolute best I can to raise them into respectful men who value and understand a woman’s worth. I pray that they will take every single day of their lives to be the difference in the world and help to be the change.

 

Update from the author: It’s been four months since baby boy arrived. The best four months of my life. Never have I once looked at the little angel I am so blessed with and thought anything but how perfect he is and how I can’t imagine my life without him. He has been the perfect second chapter to the story. I can’t even imagine if it had ended on a different note… If he never came along. After a situation where my choices were taken away from me, he has given me back the power to choose. To choose to love, to choose what I do with my body, to choose my path. He is my daily reminder that I am worth so much more and to stay strong through everything that comes my way. He is my recovery and my healing. He is my everything.