WE REMEMBER THE PRECIOUS BABIES WE CARRIED, BUT NEVER HELD
By: Rhea Anae-Agapay
As October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, I have decided to share my story. I’ve learned over the past few months that this stuff happens so often to so many women. We as women just keep it to ourselves and bottle up all the emotional trauma that goes along with it. I want to help change that so more women feel OK about sharing their stories to help heal their hurt. Sharing my story is not easy but I hope that in doing so, that I can help at least one woman feel like she is not alone in losing a child.
Although we hadn’t made an announcement, we were pregnant with our second child. We prayed and planned for this child for months. We were beyond excited to make Cruz a big brother. On July 9, 2016, I went in for my three-month checkup. After this appointment, we had planned to make our social media announcement. The appointment didn’t go as the rest had. When I saw the screen, I realized that my baby didn’t have the little flutter that was present in my last ultrasound. My worst nightmare had come true. That baby that I carried for three months was no longer healthy and no longer had a heart beat.
For whatever reason God called my baby home. I can’t put into words the excruciating pain this situation has put me through physically, emotionally, mentally. There are so many days I still cry my eyes out over losing our second child. This is more common than people think. There are no explanations. We don’t have a reason… they just kept telling me, it wasn’t my fault.
Lady Antebellum’s Hillary Scott penned the words of this song after experiencing a miscarriage.
This experience has changed me in so many ways, I can’t even begin to list them all. All I know is that God has a different plan for our family and I hold so tight to that. Even on my weakest days, I look at our beautiful son and see what a perfect creation we have for our first born. I know deep down that I will get to see my baby some day. I don’t know how I would get through each day without my faith in God. I know that God does not take something away without giving us something. I hope that sharing my story will help others heal as it is helping me heal. Please keep in mind when you are talking to people, that you have no idea what they have been through or are still going through. Love one another instead of being so caught up with the world, cherish each and every moment. I am so thankful for my loving support system helping me each day. I love you all!